It’s time to go o’natural ladies…
I’m not going to lie to you, or sugar coat anything, my hair used to be fucking beautiful. Trust me I am not the kind of girl to give myself compliments but looking back at old photo’s of my hair, I can say for myself that it was gorgeous. And by that, I mean healthy. It was thick, shiny, smooth and I am so annoyed at myself that I didn’t appreciate it at the time. Because now, we are in a very different place.
I have been through a few life events that have affected my hair. A combination of severe malnourishment and a traumatic hairdressing experience, I think it’s safe to say my hair is looking pretty worse for wear. I am telling you this because I know it to be true. It’s dry, uneven, frizzy, weak. Basically, the inside of Nicky Clarke’s worst nightmare.
Back in the good days, where my head of hair actually looked half decent, it would dry pretty much straight. It seemed to always be smooth and shiny and never feeling frail or fragile. Then, after suffering from anorexia, I stripped my hair of all it’s nutrients, goodness and in fact, lost quite a bit of it. Leaving me with whatever I have on my head now.
Since I have started my recovery from an eating disorder, I have noticed a lot of changes in my body and one of that being the condition and personality of my hair. What once looked like a shiny fur coat (that’s all I can think of), now resembles a 10-year-old used broom. A lot of people don’t know this about me, because I straighten it every day, but my natural hair is actually very frizzy and very curly.
For a while, I have struggled with this. I have put so much heat on it to try and conceal the frizz. I have spent a good amount of money on pretty much every hair care brand to see if I can find a miracle. I have considered extensions. I have spent hours scrolling through influencers profiles to figure out how they get their hair looking so luscious- even though I am aware of the fact that it is probably fake. I have been through a battle with my hair and for once, I am now really trying to win it over.
I am still in this battle, but slowly I am beginning to learn that my hair is by far perfect and it surely isn’t ‘instagramable’. But for real- who’s is? When you’re out about with your friends, or having cocktails with the girls, you have to remember that the hair they are showing is not the hair they woke up with. Unless god decided to bless them, it is likely that they have styled it in some way. I have spent too much of my time staring at girls’ hair comparing it to mine and wondering what their natural hair is like.
I’ve tried so many different brands that promise to do so many different things. And, yes, I think I have found my ‘go-to’ products, but I have also come to realise that no matter how many shampoo’s, conditioners and serums I buy, I will always have the same hair.
Whether its straight, wavy or curly, what’s important is that you embrace it and look after it. Do some googling and find those products that work for you and learn to love it. Taking you back to Jesy Nelson’s Odd One Out Documentary (and if you haven’t watch it, watch it because it’s incredible), one of my favourite moments is when her boyfriend, Chris Hughes, points to a picture of her on the fridge with her naturally, very crazy and very frizzy hair and tells everyone how much he loves it, because that is who SHE is.
I have struggled so much with my hair. I’ve felt embarrassed. Ashamed. Comparable. But slowly, and it will take a while, I am beginning to love my hair and want to care for it rather than bully it.
And, I am sure one day I will get my luscious locks back, but until then there isn’t anything I can do about it. Apart from a good hair mask. I’m a sucker for those.